The head was spinning when a cold shiver rattled down the spine. The decision came as a shock to him. He was surprised that it was actually happening. With a faint shudder inside his heart and trembling hands he picked up the pen and flattened out the sheet of paper in front of him as he began to write –

Dear World,

You have been very kind to me. However, life has been a cruel enemy. Every circumstance, every choice of mine, every day of my life has been constantly screwed and I today I am left strength less. I am so alone today and I have decided to end this loneliness for ever. And as I go I would like to share a few things about my life with all of you. Life began fresh 23 years back for me and when I was a young child I felt it was wonderful. I was loved by everyone around and so did I love everyone. Life was bliss then. I enjoyed every single moment then only to realise that it has ended into the most irritating thing making me wonder why I lived at all. In these years I have seen it all and understood the rules of this world which are so incomplete and so shallow. I really don’t know what I should do.
I was 8 years old and was walking down the street. It was dark and I was alone. I was heading home from a nearby provision store when suddenly a few stray dogs began to chase me. I got so scared and began to run towards my house while the dogs kept barking at me and chasing me. Somehow I managed not to be bitten and reached my place. This experience is what my life became. I always kept running away from all the difficulties that life gave me. I never had the courage. I am still that 8 years old running away from the fear of being bitten, the only difference being I run away from life itself today. I get courage from nothing and none. I don’t know what to do today. I never had the courage neither do I have courage today to face it.
I was 13 years old and I was being bullied by the seniors of the school. I was trying to fight them but they always over powered me. I was bullied in every possible way they could. I was so scared then to be the sincere decent boy, because sincere decent boys were smacked around. I was so alone even then as I am today. I did not have the courage then neither have I had the one today.
I was 18 years old and life was still the same. My girlfriend walks out on my face right out of my car. I can still hear her voice in my ears telling me to ‘Get Lost.’ I got scared again. This time to lose the person I loved so much. I immediately begin to chase her and beg her to sit down. I promise I will set things right, I promise a lot many more things but however I am still the weak little 8 year child who has a lot of fear of being devasted.
I was kicked around enough in my school life. I was neglected, dumped, pushed out of class. I was betrayed by my best friends. I did not have any identity. I was all alone in those moments and so am I today. I was a little shrimp tyring to fight everything that the world threw at me. I fought it hard standing on my thin weak legs. I fought it out with my own meek voice. I fought it hard with my own fears. I fought the impossible to make it possible. I was always fighting God, but today I have lost my strength to fight. I feel like a broken arrow, like a slain soldier, like a strangled dog, like a breaking star. I feel like nothing today.
I was 21 years old. I had won many battles now. I had become a pro in wrestling out difficulties. The world would throw stones at me and I would make a road with them. I would not give up and I thought I will never but then it happened. But then there was one place where I still could not gather courage. I was still like the fearful 8 year old running away from everything.
And today at 23 it this fear of mine hits like a thunderbolt. I am all alone and broken today. I don’t know what lays ahead of me after this death. I had seen such a wonderful life with her, but then nothing seems to have happened. I have lost it all because of this one word ‘courage’. Had I had the courage to fight it then and make her understand my feelings and also offer her love, I don’t think I would have seen this day.
I ask for nothing today but for courage. I want courage today. More and more courage so that at least I can finish this letter before the poison slowly puts me to sleep. My head has already started to spin and I am feeling heavier by the moment. I don’t know whether I can complete what I want…..say…i…i..i. am not being able to bre..breath…It is getting heavir friends…wishing you a goodbye…have courage…live with courage.. listen to your hea